Rachael Ray Does What?

OK. I like Rachael Ray just as much as the next person. She's talented, bubbly, has a nice sense of humor, makes some pretty tasty dishes in 30 minutes, and likes dogs. She even cooks for dogs -- especially her Pit Bull, Isaboo. As a matter of fact, it was because of my friend, Bob, The Boy Bloginator, who himself is a blogging Pit Bull and has a dreadful crush on Isaboo, that I was even Dogpiling Rachael Ray to begin with. Actually, to be honest, I was Dogpiling Isaboo so I could find a nice picture of her to send to my buddy Bob so he could have a pin-up Pit of his very own. But while I was Dogpiling Isaboo, I naturally came across the home page of Rachael Ray. On it, there's a nice shot of Rachael and her dog, Isaboo. I can understand Bob's attraction to Isaboo. She IS very pretty, in a Pit Bull kind of way.

Anyway, out of curiosity I started to scroll through the pictures of Rachael to see if I could find any special photos of Isaboo so I could surprise my buddy Bob with one. What I discovered just about sent me to the floor. Seriously, who had the brilliant idea to pose Rachael (or 'Rach' as she's called) in these ludicrious pictures: "Rach gets comfortable on the couch," "Rach drinks lemonade," "Rach [in a little black dress] cooks on the grill," "Rach gives a big smile," "Rach chops apples," "Rach and John singing." Oh, and one of my favs? "Rach sets the table for Thanksgiving." Thank you, Rach, for the cleavage. Turkey? What turkey?

Honestly, who thinks up these things? What pimply-faced pubescent mindless marketing midget came up with the idea to pose her in all these ridiculous positions, and what possessed her to agree? Certainly by now she has enough money to refuse such stupidity. And she certainly has enough brains. Does Food Network own her like Nike owns Tiger Woods? (That little logo of theirs must be tattooed on everything he owns. Can he even get that hat off anymore or did they stitch it to his head?)

I just couldn't believe it. They work her to death (how many shows is she on?) and then give her a bigger photo spread than a Playboy Bunny. Hell, maybe that'll be next. Let's hope not. She's pretty wholesome and I'd like to see her stay that way. At least, stay away from that wrinkled up old fart Hugh Hefner. Is he still alive or is he stuffed? If he's stuffed, Playboy needs its money back. The taxidermist did a lousy job.

OK, never mind Hefner. So, after scrolling through about 20 pictures, looking, hoping, for an end to the "Rach does..." I gave up after I came across "Rach has breakfast in bed." Honestly, it's not the pictures that bother me so much. She is very photogenic. It's the titles that irritate me: "Rach smiles outside," "Rach gives a big smile," "Rach Plays with Dogs on a Truck." They read like Dick and Jane. Is it just me or does this fatuous rot really appeal to people? OK, I know. This is a rhetorical question. After all, we're the country who actually had people vote for Sarah Palin. The Dick and Jane population of the planet. Enough said.

And I still didn't find a pin-up picture of Isaboo for my friend Bob. Sorry, Bob.