Live Bait Becomes Brain Bait

(Not to be confused with Mourning Becomes Electra.) I had originally intended this blog to be called "Live Bait" inspired by the picture you see here. When I discovered that name had been taken, I decided on "Brain Flakes," as that's what my wife calls the dander she stirs up when she scratches the dogs' heads. Well, that blog name was taken too. So, after showering myself with my own brain flakes, an idea emerged: Brain Bait. I liked it. And so, here it is. I have no idea what, if anything, it will turn into. But if it's anything like the machine pictured here, it should be at least mildly amusing if not thought provoking.

What is "Live Bait" anyway? Well, in this case it seems to be a vending machine that dispenses an assortment of (presumably) live critters, fresh for fishing. There are, I think, a few interesting things to wonder about such a machine. One: What kinds of bait are in this machine that could live for extended periods of time -- at least long enough not to be repugnant to fish? After all -- consider the half-life of most stuff in vending machines. If there is any correlation between this vending machine and the average, we're looking at a potential Superfund Site. (After further research I discovered there are a multitude of things that live in these machines: live minnows, night crawlers, wax worms (beats me), leeches, maggots (no surprise there) and even crickets.) Two: What mastermind thinks up such things? (Turns out it was some guy in Pennsylvania who converted an old sandwich machine. Humm. Wanna bet the maggots were already there?) Anyway, aren't there enough small children in circulation, armed with spoons and trowels and nets to scare up these small perfect-for-fishing critters? Certainly there were in my day. So, do we really need such machines? (Apparently so. According to the article I read, there are over 1,000 machines scattered across the U.S. And here's one of them, in my very own little home town. What are the odds?) Three: What kind of brave soul stocks such a machine -- in this case, at least, a machine that sits directly in the sun for most of the day. What happens if the electricity dies? Well, we know what happens, really. But does the machine then become deserted because no one is courageous enough to open it up, clean out the dead bodies, and restock? Does the EPA descend, don their orange suits, take a fork lift, and scoop it into the near-by creek? (More on that creek in another post.) And four: Why is this machine right outside the only grocery store in town? Is this a bizarre local cultural statement -- the better food to be found in town is outside the grocery store in this vending machine?

OK. Granted, the creek I mentioned is only a few hundred feet away from the store and the vending machine, but honestly, even now no one in his right mind would sink a night crawler into that water much less eat anything he'd fished out of it. Really. Not too many years ago, the fumes alone ate the paint off buildings. On hot summer days the smell was so bad it could bring tears to your eyes -- from miles away. After decades of abuse from the local glue plant and tannery, the creek used to run like gray sludge. Most likely even now a minnow or wax worm cast into the creek would merely land on the surface with an undignified plop, there to slowly dissolve.

I'm still pondering the symbolic significance of this machine's constant presence at the grocery store. Any thoughts?